The Hideous Portrait: An Artistic Journey,
warts and all.

Today has been a full day. It sounds almost blasphemous, calling a day full given that I did no more than 4-5h of painting. Yet, I finished the last piece (did only minor alterations, fixated it, did the photoshooting and signed it), and started a new one. I like the new one. It's a yarn ball of randomness; a viking ship that turns into a galleon, with a christmas tree, some autumn trees and in the foreground? Piles of hay, and somethings that look like standing sardines. I love this randomness. And what is more, I've adopted a more impressionistic approach which I like a lot, how it renders the dynamic wheat fields! Later I did a sketch with the brushpen, and spent 1-1,5h doing some posture studies. It's been a long time!

  So, I finally covered the whole canvas (paper). I'm overally happy( primarily happy that I've finished) thought I haven't managed to fix a few issues, namely the foreground not having enough "meaningful detail" and the hind part of the body, the tail and the folliage there having misleading contrast. I'm also slighly annoyed that the pouch under the chin looks a lot like teeth. Finally, it feels that if I was to invest some time from here onwards, it would start coming together into something more polished, and by stopping now, I'm berefting my work from this sense of completion. Having said that, I'm fairly satisfied by it all. I like the texture, the light, the overall colors. It isn't some masterful work, but it's been fun making it.

  Good day today. I mean not much progress, but the frog is coming along. It's not some masterpiece, but I'm well into the rendering/texturing phase something that I don't ofter have the chance of doing/exploring and this is both soothing and illuminating. At the same time, it's an opportunity to work on some skills such as separation of planes. A perfect opportunity since this is a quite simple painting in that regard. I'm still trying to make the back of the body appear receding into the background, I'm need to tone it down even more o perhaps shift the palette too. Don't know how I can do that with pastels but I'm enjoying the detail-work currently. This is perhaps the takeaway of the day: Perhaps detailing and rendering is not tedious, but can also be relaxing and meditative; perhaps this is also something needed along the expressive/dynamic/spontaneous/intense painting phase. (to be investigated further) 

  Another day of little sleep. I feel tired. I was up early however, so I decided to fit both a walk and painting within the same day. Eventually I didn't paint as much as I had hoped I would since my back was tired from walking but it's nice that I did both.  I worked a bit more on the "Alien Frog", trying to block out the background which was mainly empty but I'm not sure with pastels there is the opportunity for a second pass. Anyway, tomorrow or the day after tomorrow I expect to finish the piece. My ordered materials have not shipped yet so the next piece will also be small, and ..white. Anyway, let's focus on the bright side too - so what good did I enjoy today? Of course the sun - but painting-wise, mixing some greens from blues and yellows, being okay to put my pastels down and call it a day early (without feeling guilty about it) and working on a piece that doesn't feel precious so I can play with it more! 

After working a bit on (unsuccessfully) trying to blend yesterdays piece, I decided that there wasn't anything else I good do for it and wrapped up. I put two coats of fixative, photographed it and signed it. Then I rushed to start my next piece which I managed to work on for merely 35minutes only to be rushing for a zoom call I had scheduled. I am stressed lately, and yet it's crazy since I'm stressing over something that I like doing. I'd call it "creative stress" (and probably it was like that 1-2 weeks ago) but now it's started affecting my ability to concentrate, to sleep and my patience which means I'm way into the overwhelmed territory.  In any case, for today's piece I worked again on a small sheet of thin and smooth paper (it's going to be a week or two before I get my hands on the new materials I'm waiting for) and decided to experiment with pastels again and this time use them like pencil: little pressure, multiple layers. I deci

Today has been a stressful and packed day and the sun sinking didn't help in aleviating this stress. I photographed and fixated the last piece (which I have to accept that is this tough to swallow end result) and with the remaining 30mins until sunset I did a quick piece on a smaller piece of paper that was probably lying around somewhere between eighteen and thirty years. No jokes. It was a good decision after all (I had run out of paper anyways) since I got the chance to play a bit with a less precious and more study-like piece and had something ready in less than an hour. I next plan on trying some blending on it, like I've seen people do on youtube. While the paper was thin and had no tooth, it still felt nice working with. The takeaway for today is that despite the stresses, I've managed for now to have built an anchor around my creative practice, which I'm very glad of. I wasn't ready to go to bed; I felt there was some artistic urge still unresolved for th

Ah, a very very dynamic piece! Wish I had roller-blades so I could move faster back and forth. It's one of the most narrative ones, since after the first few doodling strokes I had the idea and started populating the world with the inhabitants. I have to say it's pretty accurate (verified by other viewers). I'm not very happy with the resulting light-dark balance since the kid touched by the demon/god is not separated enough and the very last minutes I started adding white to illuminate the background which was also dissatisfactory and went a bit overboard.I found out I didn't like it only later in the evening where I saw the painting with artificial lighting. But there are many things to like about today's work: The dynamicism/physicality of it, narrative, richness of the picture, casualness, and the rawness of it all. I'm not sure if there will be a second session on this piece or not.

So here we are, finally wrapping up two dragging projects on the same day - that is a big relief for sure (making space for other woes). I didn't do much work on any of the two but I did fixate and sign the Caverns and managed to fix all the bad geometry produced by exporting "The Lizard Riders of Maeh z'Ore". Yeap, a very imaginative name, of the same caliber with Jon. Snow. Now that I realize that there weren't many painterly strokes done this day I feel a bit sad, but I'll give myself a pat on the back for doing the few that I did, wrapping up two projects which will open-up space for new ones, and being kind to myself on such a difficult day. Time for bed.

Another flat day. For a change I got up early and did some morning painting (which I'm not sure I enjoy any better since the light was hitting directly on the paper washing out everything and the pastels were getting sticky from the heat. Perhaps such paintings are done best with artificial lighting. In any case the work is nearing completion, perhaps tomorrow I'll finish it and move onto something else! What do I keep about today? Probably that I experimented with the morning session. Oh, and that was day 200, hurray for me!

Today I once again managed to work a bit more on the piece. I wish I had more light to work with but for now this little that I have will have to do. I'm enjoying this piece, definitely not one of those that I'm eager to wrap up so I can move on. And actually it's now that the exploration of the cave is about it begin; now that the rough forms have been almost laid in, the slight variations of shade will give form to the shadows of the unconscious. Then again I'm afraid I'll probably wrap up before I get into that since I do enjoy it, but I'm feeling that I'm not moving quickly enough. Time for bed.

Due to the rain I didn't go out to paint on the balcony, I did some work on the Lizard Rider VR sculpt and it so happened that the day slipped by me and then it was to late (and I too bored/tired) to do some actual painting. We shall call this a cheat day. I unapologetically filled a page with some doodles. Or, we may call it a successful day: After all the goal was to do every day something art related, and this was something. And at the same time, since I don't feel any guilt whatsoever, another success - being nicer to myself! That. And the fact that I liked the perspective in the arachnoids and creating the rock formations around the lizard.

Today I kept working on the same piece. It's very enjoyable at this point, bringing out the details of the caverns. Caverns have been a big part of my dreamscapes and my childhood overall. Reading about the caves of D'ni, riding down ancient catacombs with a motocross bike. Anyway, Hopefully I can finish this piece in 1-2 more sessions. Could had been much faster if light was allowing me to work longer... To sum up, what was good about today? The smooth sailing, and the pleasure I get from seeing the colors and the lights in the cavern!

What a day! Well probably I'm excited for reasons other than painting, but painting was good too. I resumed the latest artwork that is starting to gain form; I might experiment with it by fixating the first layer and adding extra details on a second layer. I like how I spend time adding reflections in these caverns. I've just created an underground pool and all in all, these caverns seem like a magical place. To me it's very obvious that both this, the Ruins, the pastel Flowers that I did a while ago (and numerous artworks tracing back to the 90s) are about the unconscious and all the mysterious, perhaps scare but apparently beautiful world. It's also about the descent to the underworld and the re-emergence. In any case, I like it a lot today since the stress from last time was gone and I could focus on being in this world. Unfortunately this work is very dark (meaning hard to see) and the sun goes down quite early giving me less than one hour of clear sight to work it

So this is it for today. Today I got so frustrated that I couldn't paint outdoors; through a series of mishaps I ended up missing the sunlight altogether. The rest of the day I went on feeling bad. Mostly sad. Eventually, I picked up my good old trusty watercolors and did something. A part of me is willing to accept this work, another won't. This will be task for the months (hopefully not years) to come. But in any case, there are some really positive things that I need to point out. Particularly today, a day that I'm struggling. So here comes the eulogy. I like how I took the thin brush and used black (payne's gray) strokes. It's something I was doing a lot in the past with my winsor and newton inks, but had been avoiding with watercolors. No real reason, but my deep fear of experimentation and my deep fear of being put down by other purists like myself. But here it is. The radical act of using solid, sharp strokes in an otherwise watercolor composition. Sue me! An

Today I signed and did another fixative layer on yesterday's work and started a new piece. It's a strange feeling with this piece. While painting I could feel the conflict; on one hand I was liking it, on the other hand I was afraid that it might not turn out too well (while at the same time knowing that for the time being it's going perfectly well). When I wrapped up for the day all was good but as the day went by I started developing some negative aftertaste. I still don't know why and I find it very annoying since this piece is still in its infancy unlike most of my pieces where on the first day have 80% of the final impression down. I have no idea why I'm so displeased. There is also an observation that this reminds me of the pastel piece with the flowers I did a few weeks ago (but without the flowers) or the realization that this is a very simplistic composition (radial, tunnel) and maybe I don't feel excited enough about that? I don't know. Lot's

  Not much actual work today; just a few brushstrokes and photographing the work. Spent many hours editing the photos which I didn't expect but there were sadly lighting inconsistencies. In any case the deed is done, tomorrow is a new day. What did I like most about today? Probably it's got to do with the paraphernalia of art-making - it was a an investigation into better photography (for prints) and two discussions about Etsy and selling art online.  An unexpected joy (or perhaps this feeling of unsettlement) and before going to bed I picked up the iPad and did some more doodling. I liked the head structure that is become more subconscious and revisiting some silhouette drawing.

Today I worked a bit on yesterday's piece. It's always a dreadful filling having to re-connect to a feeling. Will I make it and get into the piece before I break it? Will it be the same piece afterwards or will it be something new (and probably ugly?). There is always fear that the next stroke will completely ruin it and that I'd better leave it alone. This is a frequent sensation when revisiting works that I started another day. The first strokes were awkward but I soon got back into the mood. Crisis averted. The painting is almost done; I wonder if there is anything left to do; I'll check tomorrow and see. What did I like about it most? Reaffirming that I like pastels a lot. What else? The subtle textures, the quick marks, the dynamics and how colors look so vibrant. I like it pastels! 

It's a relief that today I started working "big" again (this time moving to my new studio - my balcony). I was afraid that I'd start another round of drawing heads and gestures on the iPad. I somewhat like today's piece, though there are certain parts of it that are cringe-worthy and now I'm looking for ways to accept them. Namely that deer. Anyway, I enjoy lots of aspects of this work; the colors, the composition, the greens at the top; even the thematic of this piece that feels so much like some forest. Later on I did a 3D sketch in Gravity Sketch VR of something which reminds of an indian soldier riding a lizard. I'm very intrigued by this way of working: It's real sketching in 3D. This definitely belongs here. Enough for today. Both pieces of work are incomplete with the Bambi Forest probably being the closest to being complete. Before going to bed and after watching the lastest Mandalorian episode I felt very inclined to revisit the Rider in

Today I've done another doodling session, trying to recapture the times of old. Truth be told, it's the laziest thing among my options. Not sure if this is always the case, but these days I'd rather I was doing some colorful painting. In any case, even in it's familiarity, there are some things I'm happy about. The shaded landscape with the spaceships at the left bottom, the overall faces, how certain details about limbs have reinforced themselves despite my lack of practice. Even beasts/horses at the lower right corner. I can catch myself worrying that I won't have many interesting painting to demonstrate for this month, but then again it's all good.

Today's watercolor piece was fun making however I wish I had more time to actually do something out of it. I barely managed to fill the page. As it is, it's just some interesting experiment of watercolors.  Well, next time.  Later on I did a few doodles. What am I keeping from today? The watercolor funand the control (and also the beautiful palette) and the remembrance that I don't need to still to abstract painting OR comics, but I can do anything I want.

Today has been ...interesting. I've been doing worldbuilding on the VR - I created a large, atmospheric world, from the inside. It's very fascinating. While I'm not very happy with the result (it probably was too big for a single day and details have be sparse) I'm happy about lots of things I did there, and the overall mood. I decided to do something little in terms of painting today and picked up my brushpen. I was positively surprised given that I didn't expect something complete to come out but it did. I like the proportions, the light/shadow balance and the exploration on ink-blot textures. Time for bed.

Today has been the closest to slacking - I did paint, but it was some final touches and my signature on "the Ruins" Painting. I liked working with smooth blending and overlaying thin films of darker colors on top of the prexisting composition, it somehow removed the guilt from such "manipulations" on digital. If you are allowed to do it with physical media, then you definitely can do so with digital! I also like the fact that I decided not to pursue additional painting today and limit myself to that; it's a nice reminder that my commitment is not counted in hours but direction.

Today has been very good in terms of creativity. It's been successful on all accounts - VR Sculpting, watercolors and sketching a narrative scene. I refined further the 3D bust I uploaded yesterday (though it still needs some additional work). I'm very satisfied with my anatomy. Then I moved onto paper and did a very interesting watercolor piece. While it isn't the most successful one (I'm fed up with starting with my hand aligned diagonally on the paper it calls for lousy compositions (I feel like the kids who take all their photos with a tilted camera). Anyway, there are many things to like however; the hinted realism of the diadem, the buildings hidden in the background, the reflected light from the ground. It feels as if today I was able to take my colors on the next level. After that I felt that I still had the urge to work and a vision  came to me (nothing metaphysical - just an image flashing that I a video clip triggered in me and I felt so inclined to make some

Today, first day of the second lockdown I went walking (funnily, during the lockdown I'm going for walking whereas normally I'm spending time indoors). This was good for my health and VitaminD levels but it meant that I had to do my daily drawing/painting in the evening. Now it's 2am and I still haven't managed to wrap up. Anyway, today I spent most of my time finishing a female 3D model on my Quest 2 that I had started yesterday. While (again) this isn't painting, it feels relevant since it's inline with my practice in skull anatomy and proportions. I'm quite satisfied with the result and I feel I solidified my understanding about the lips, eyes and nose a tad more. Later on I did some sketches in Procreate and called it a day at that. Overall I'm satisfied with my anatomy work, wheras the sketches have a boldness that probably comes from the past few weeks working on large canvases. Many things felt in place too (the faces, the bodily gestures, the de

And that was it! I decided I need to finish everything today before the lockdown starts tomorrow so I can pack my things and move out. It was somewhat stressful. Funny connecting working in the studio with deadlines and rush-jobs. Of course there has always been some rush; too bored to keep working on one piece etc, but this one was different. I had to finish it today. In the morning I got up and did some photoshopping on how I wanted it to look, and went to the studio. I signed yesterday's painting (meaning that it was ready) and the started working on the Ruins one. There wasn't any light and in the last 30mins I was working in the dark; I was going outdoors to mix my colors. I took some photos with the flashlight and I don't know if this is how it actually looks, but it is what it is. What was good about today? The contrast; seeing how it is with deadlines and seeing that I can still work like that. Also taking off the masking tape and seeing how it reacts with thick la

That's it! I've just crossed the 6-months of blogging point! Well done to myself. Today I did a very interesting piece of painting, one with thick paint (I used gloss medium for that) and my palette knife. Though the knife broke from the first few minutes, I must say it was nice to be working with thick, yummy colors. This piece feels complete, but I'll give it another day to dry and change anything. At the same time the lockdown starts the day after tomorrow and we at the same time have to empty the studio so there is a big chance that this was the last time I could paint in there. In any case, it's been enjoyable!

And here we are, the finish-line in sight. Seems we might have to empty the studio earlier than initially anticipated so it's time for me to wrap up my open paintings, hold back on investing in further materials; and make good use of the remaining time. Today I wrapped up the "Saint Baccus" piece, and started a new one on canvas. I've also tried sculpting a disney-ish head in VR and my vague understanding of the head planes really shows. This is a point that I wish I had better undertanding of the skull and the planes. Perhaps I could import some reference images and use the opportunity to work on it. Anyway, what did I like about today? While I didn't do much, the fact that I showed up in the studio is something and the fact that I did my first foray in the land of canvas has been good too. Perhaps also the inspiration to improve my skull-anatomy. Yeap, that too!