The Hideous Portrait: An Artistic Journey,
warts and all.

Tough day. I got off bed with insomnia and frustration. I was too frustrated to paint but then I did it. It was cathartic. I did 9 digital sketches, I felt them very expressive as if writing a diary. They each reflect an aspect of myself; they feel like me. With the exception of one that feels particularly essenceless. Felt nice doing them. Then I also had the added bonus that I had painted for the day, something I had forgotten until some minutes ago. I'm so glad I don't have to, it's been a difficult day. Today's been one of the days where my obsessiveness really hit the ceiling. It was going to be a good day, that I'd be relax only work a little, and suddenly it turned nightmarish. I just couldn't get of the computer and go do something else. I was feeling the compulsion to finish something that couldn't be finished in one day where I clearly needed rest. I just stopped only because I had a breakthrough of progress and a big part of the uncertainty left

And here we are. Yesterday I was given a quite positive review of my work; getting good comments about aircrafts, spaceships and receding horizons and here I am today trying once again to play it safe. What can be done; It's been a difficult day, I needed the boost of confidence. I did not come. I'm not very happy about most of the things in this artwork. Oh no, I'm being too critical. Let's see what I can find to my liking instead. I like the colors; The predominantly red colors were a slight deviation from what I usually do. Then again, I feel I'm stuck in my watercolor palette; I can't really move away from the colors that my kit provides - perhaps I need to do some studies where I use only two colors and try with these two colors to create variations. Anyway; I like a bit the metallic shine on the objects, and that would be all. No, that's too little. How about digging a bit deeper! I like the little wheeled vehicles, I like the mountains in the backgoru

Here it is, after more than half a year, drawing real people gestures. I found myself today at the beach seeing a couple of friends. I took out my sketchbook and my awfully convenient brush pen, and drew(?) them first and then moved to other people bathing. It was awkward fixing my gaze on other people so these were awfully loose and quick - more of a glimpse and then down to my paper. Lots of stuff to like with these, I could be drawing dozens. I love the flexibility of the brushpen. I have the recollection of starting feeling guilty and useless for doing such loose sketches instead of making every stroke count; for wasting this opportunity in drawing in a childish casual manner without effort behind, something that (in my mind) doesn't bring improvement. But then I remembered that if I want to practice more, I can do it at some point, but more than practice I miss fun, and this is enjoyable and expressive; practice is neither. So these thoughts dissipated quickly and I resumed my

Today I finished early, got out for a walk and got back to do my daily drawing practice. I started working in blue colors and wasn't going to add anything else, except analogous colors but after a few layers of painting I wasn't satisfied yet. And then I started adding colors completely destroying the initial balance; now -it seems to me- that the values are completely off. What did I like today, let's see. I liked the fact that even in such an uninteresting geometric scene, I managed to add some interesting details. I like the people sitting lazily all over the place. I liked the skyscrapper in the background before I completely killed it with the green. I like the parthenon in the back and the lanes for the flying cars. Perspective is not too off. There isn't much narrative in this scene, but then again there's more than when I doodle so it's all good. Time for bed.

Insomnia again. Today, I was so grateful for the insomnia!  I woke up something like 9am  and eventually got off bed at 11am. I had counted 4h of sleep. Yet, as a result I had these extra morning hours to do a painting and a self-portrait was a good option. And what is more, when I finished work at 11pm, I didn't have to start painting for the day, I was already done; today I went out for a midnight-walk after a week of non-stop work. My face is not so bloated or my eyes so small. But I like this bloated perspective so I enjoyed exaggerating it. I also innovated today and used the smudge tool. I hate the smudge tool; I was using it a lot when I got my first wacom (PenPartner) in the early to mid-90s and I got sick of it. Mostly because you could have something with sharp digital lines, and turn it into something looking like an oil-painting. Fake mastery. I hadn't used it for all this time. Procreate has a huge UI button for it but I was avoiding it like the plauge. Today I gav

I'm happy about it. There are obvious defects, that I know however are simply because these are all random drawing. Never an idea, a presketch, or some development. Not even a pencil. Straight with the ink. I like it that way. I guess if I redid it, I'd make it much better (or not?). I'd get rid of all the perspective errors, the ugly limbs, I'd fill the space with more actual information; not just lumps of green ...dirt. There are a few things I'm very proud of: The clouds, most of the palette (the green, blues, purple, and reds and yellow highlights but not the brown jacket), and the recession of the trees between the two characters; the green that turns blue and the trees that also shift color, yummy. Reminds me of the palette in Thimbleweed Park's promotional image. Above all I'm happy that there is a narrative in the scene (and this is the last thing that happens by accident) - a story. Anyway; Once again I'm proud that I did put the work given my o

Today I succumbed - I chose the iPad for my daily practice. It was doodles apparently. Completely calorie free, no essence whatsoever. Or perhaps, there are a few positive remarks to be made. First of all, I like the fluidity of when I paint blobs. I'm not using very often this approach but why not? I'm good with it. I'm also glad I drew some faces; I hadn't done so for a long time, and it was good to practice again a bit. I also did some advanced in regards to eyeballs. Finally there are a couple postures that are interesting. Not much praise, to be honest; but we're getting by.