It's a very special day today: I did work with acrylics, inside the house.As a background story, I've been avoiding it like the plague; the idea of trying to stay neat and tidy with acrylics in a domestic environment trying not to stain my computer the carpets and the floor, is something I never wanted to go through. There is a feeling of degradation trying to be overly restrained when painting. Yet, I do it with watercolors and markers and the ipad, but I never did with acrylics or oils. So I had been making do with pastels, and even those outdoors, on the balcony.
Lately I bought a few tiny canvases though - as small as 10x10cm and 20x20cm and thought that I could (at least for a change) do some acrylics; I was in an experimenting mood you see! Even though I was trying to be cool, the piece was loaded with a lot of expectations and fears so it's no wonder that I had a hard time enjoying the process. Even now my mind tells me "you see? You really shouldn't had used acrylics in such a way, you knew it wasn't going to work, you've stooped so low, and what have you gained now? You've ruined your self-confidence; you were far to restrained, to cautious, it wasn't fun". But then again, I'm sure if I wasn't worrying about the end result, I'd just take the constraints as a challenge and not as a failure.
It is a failed piece that I look at, that's how I feel, no denying that. But there is a new hope that perhaps given some time, I will see it with new eyes. I'm also glad that I had bought 3 tiny canvases, so I'll get two exta opportunities.
Let's try and make the best out of this situation now, let's reframe. What am I seeing here?First of all, I not only did another "physical" piece, but it was acrylics! A whole next level compared to pastels! Well done to myself! This got my wheels moving again! Then, I did some experimenting with a new format: Acrylics plus desk plus small painting! And what is more, I did work with framed canvas. This is probably my first time ever! In my life I've done two more painting on canvas (once twenty years ago and once this summer) but this is the first time on a framed one! And not only that: After the summer and the woes that acrylics on paper had caused me (tl;dr I was trying to stay cheap but it's not worth it), I had decided that I'll be using better materials - I went from the backside of bank statements, to cheap sketchbooks, and then to quality sketchbooks, and from there to loose cotton sheets! And this time, I'm migrating from paper to canvas! What an upgrade! It's a sign of my self-esteem restoring itself. So here we are, doing an actual, self-contained, piece on canvas. And there's more to it! Instead of bashing myself and trying to forget the failure, I'm working to reframe it (word-play!). Yes, I'm not satisfied with how it turned out, but I know it's going to get better and I'm going to get something good out of it, I'll learn something!
And now lets pick the piece apart. I like that I did the effort of pre-coloring the canvas. I like the palette! I see now that this material compared to oils is very thin. Probably I should had worked it with a heavy medium, and not water though! Silly me; now that I see it, it seems obvious! What is more: I mixed a good deal of colors, and did lots of colored layers. Plus, style-wise, it's still connected to my latest watercolor pieces. Time for rest! Well done to myself!
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