The Hideous Portrait: An Artistic Journey,
warts and all.

Today I've been very productive. At first I went to the ancient stadium not sure whether I'd be painting anything but eventually I painted some people that I knew and sat relatively close. Since I knew them, I had the confidence to paint them. Later on I did some sketches on 80gr/m2 and then I tried the 160gr/m2 paper I bought. I'm not very satisfied with it; It is even more easy to flake. Anyway. The watercolor painting was important in the sense that I drew people (which I don't) and in the sense that I was very exposed while painting and didn't lockdown because of that. I knew it wasn't coming out very impressive, but despite the danger of people that I know seeing my "lesser" art, I did it anyways. This is something I wouldn't had done earlier. I like a lot about the painting and while it's not very watercolor-y, it's quite likeable. I don't like the composition in the sense that the light-dark juxtaposition isn't intresting an

Today I resumed work on the same piece. I struggled with the placement of the characteristics of the face. While yesterday I was content with the misplaced, crooked landmarks of the face, today I decided to work a bit more on the symmetry of it. I am not sure what prompted it. In any case, I rework it. It's nice as practice, since I was under the impression that pastels couldn't be reworked and yet so far I've been doing it successfully on this piece! Today's takeaway is a furthering of my pastels technique, a stronger grounding to the notion of working on a piece I am not all that comfortable technically with. At the same time, working on something I am not very comfortable with is a joy in itself. I love it that I'm pushing my boundries! After going to bed, I did some doodling. I like the three finger hand that I did.

Today has been one of the most significant days in my painting thus far. It's a minor thing, but it was a huge inner obstacle that I overcame! I got up early and was in desparate need to paint something big and new, but didn't have unused wooden boards. And I finally did it (after a lot of inner turmoil)! I went and bought 4 wooden boards and I started a new piece. Not only that, but the piece was something I hadn't attempted on many levels before: An figurative painting image came to my mind and I set out to do it. A huge risk. This is one of the days that I realized that one of my positive artistic traits is that I'm not afraid to experiment. Then again, I'm a nobody. Perhaps it would be difficult if I was a name to uphold. Come to think about it, I certainly would. Still, compared to many people not so far advanced in their careers compared to me, are very careful in their steps. This is another indication why I never repeat the same work; every piece is a new w

Today I did lots of stuff, and as a result I reached the evening feeling very drained. I resumed work on both my "precious" pieces. Very satisfied overall; both pieces have progressed well perhaps even finished. I also did some VR painting! I had the idea of creating a "box" guide in tiltbrush which forces all the lines to "snap" on the surface; effectively creating painting on a planar surface; a canvas! I did a very interesting strange painting attempt and that allowed me to get the rest of my energy out there. Later on I did some more VR doodling. I also stressed a lot over my instagram post, but eventually did one. I'm reconsidering things in that regards. Overall I'm tired, but in good spirits. I feel very empowered by all this new situation and I am taking in fine arts like a sponge. Time for rest!

Despite the fact that it seemed that today would had been an "early rest" day, I failed to do so and this time it has been my doing. Today I kept working on the piece. To my relief I'm not sure whether it's better or worse that the previous incarnation of it, so that means it's still moving forward. After a question by a friend I spent some time thinking about how to price my art which is a cool first; perhaps a step in the right direction. Today's work was very detailed but I'm not sure this is the direction I want to follow overall. In any case, I'm keeping that I'm feeling inspired about still working more pieces (plus the ones I've already in the works). Time for rest.

Today I managed to (temporarily) put away two already finished pieces so I did start a new piece! I picked the deepest red piece of colorline paper that I had, and started a new painting. I've discovered that one of the most annoying things is having comments on the painting while you're still making it; I don't know if this is for everybody, but at least for me it's working in a very negative way. The most positive feedback creates a fear of hearing the subsequent "oh no, you ruined it" whereas any remark ("you should ....") set you up for a state of inner conflict: "I shouldn't listen - I should do the opposite" and "oh no, no I see it their way and feel compelled to comply". The soil feels poisoned. Cramps. Anyway, if I skip back to before getting feedback for the artwork, I was very satisfied with it; it was one a difficult piece that was barely starting to take life/form by the time I put the pastels down for the day an

Something is really off. Today has been a decent day, I did lots of VR sculpting practicing both my VR sketching skills, aswell as my anatomy skills and in the evening I did some watercolor graphite sketches using 5min references from quickposes. It was fairly enjoyable, and out of the 6 I did, there was the ones that captured the likeness, the ugly ones, and one that I find so beautiful. It wasn't the intention, it has some heavy distortions and the likeness is average but my oh my - one of my favorite sketches ever; reason? The expression is full of life! Yet, only a few minutes ago I realized it's already 2am despite my efforts to haste as much as possible and discovered a great amount of rage in me. The rage, for once again pushing myself to this hour, stressing, getting overworked, and not having the time to relax! The visit to the park today, where I listened to music didn't count apparently! I wanted... I wanted... I want (in present tense) relaxation, entertainme