day #117 - relief
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Such a relief. Breaking the 45 days streak in posture and taking a break from studying anatomy has been such a relief. Today without the accumulated pressure of the last weeks (or months) I decided to again stay LoFi and do some watercolors on my cheap paper notebook. It was very fun. I mean nothing that I can present, since it's a page full of doodles, but I had forgotten that I can enjoy what I paint! Then again I'm not sure this is because of relaxing a bit, because of the natural media or a fluke (after all I've had similar days when painting on the ipad too) but it's been real fun - I can even sense myself thinking that I should order that large format paper I've been constantly putting off.
As a sidenote, the sadness and despair that has been building up has not gone away, but after the sense of utter failure from doing "all of my duties" yesterday my expectations from myself are much lower which is sad but I'm too tired and disappointed to bother that my work today is not advancing me technically. Then again (trying to think clearly) I was already trying to put technique aside and start focusing on the creativity of it all, so why the complaints?
Anyway, enough for now, time for bed.
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