day #365 - the end of an era

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I thought I was on top of it; I had finished early and was looking for a movie to watch already 3 hours ago. And I don't know how time went by. A phonecall, some networking studying, some online shopping and here we are, already past the time for an early movie. Regardless, today is a special day. The blog is over! I finished 365 days of daily painting and recording it, whatever that means. A big part of the process I will have to keep doing mainly for myself. Perhaps taking daily photos of my work and saving it on some folder. This has provem useful many times when I trying to date a piece I've been working on. Also making a small diary of today's achievements. It's still useful. But this will be done for my eyes only. I also don't know if I will be continuing my obsessively daily painting. How would life be if I had days off? Now for example that I'm moving out and I have to daily chores that until now were completely taken care of, perhaps I'll allow my
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day #118 - after the storm

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And here we are. Something has broken (or at least is tired) after the last mini-crisis. It's day two three and I still haven't resumed "practice". I checked quickposes.com and it seems that probably due to some bug it still hasn't registered that I haven't practiced; so it hasn't reset my 45 days streak. Now the number 45 stands there as shoe waiting to fall.

I'm tired, I don't know how this whole painting/drawing endeavor can turn into something good. But I'm blindly following through. I'm still on the blog (though to be honest it's a no minder these days but I'm not sure I'd keep this up under different circumstances). But as it is, I did draw the day before yesterday, I did draw yesterday and I did draw today. I kept it free and loose; I took out a proper brush, some payne's gray from my watercolors kit and I started exploring forms that emerge out of the washes. I have enjoyed it again, as I did yesterday. 

Enjoying it makes me sad now. Not afraid that I'd lose it as it's been the case until now. Sad instead... Sad that I can't regulate it, sad that I will wish for it to happen again and (now I know) that it much as I can't make pleasure go away, I also can't make it stay. And the more it stays, when it finally goes away, the more it will hurt. This oscillation I cannot avoid and it makes me sad.

Anyway, it's been nice today, it's been peaceful - tired, sad, but soft. I painted a sheet of random doodles, that I enjoyed a lot; some battleships in the horizon, an inverse futuristic city reflected in the lake, a modern futuristic city... I really love the brush control and exploring. I never wanted to express something in particular with painting, to tell a specific story; now that I think more clearly, it's obvious that what I've always wanted is to be as amazed by what comes out of my brush, just as anybody else; I'd like the spectator's seat, at the front row. I want the magic of things unfolding, I want to witness beauty, awe and thirst for journeys.

The second page turned out into a beautiful semi-alien, semi-neogothic castle. I love the volume, the details control, the dark background. The magical beacon at the roof. I love how I combined a thick brush and then made use of a details brush (I never had appreciation for thin brushes). I love how the un-tinted paper indicates the highlights. I also love that it's not a page with a nice doodle stuck between unsuccessful attempts, but a page with a single full-page piece that has decent composition.

Time for bed!

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