The Hideous Portrait: An Artistic Journey,
warts and all.

  Today's effort feels seem to me being my most illustrative attempt at watercolors so far;  my palette once again is built with burnt umber, cyan, ultramarine blue, permanent red light, quinacridone rose, madder lake deep and a bit of yellow ochre. No yellows or greens. I'm wondering however whether burnt I could simply use first burnt umber to lay the underpainting and then add colors on top instead of mixing everything separately with burnt umber. An experiment for another time. For now I'm satisfied that I took the patient approach (multiple layers to deepen the colors) and have managed t keep them definite. I also like the texture of the central orb (that was also the main theme) and how I saved the sky. Having said that, it always feels to me that something is missing, and this something is the fineline black outline. Anyway, interesting piece of work, time for bed.

I'm glad I finished drawing during the day, plus I had the opportunity to do a plein air study, something I haven't done in a long long time. I didn't have much time, merely 20-30mins; If I had more time, I'd push more the contrast and tighten the beams. Nonetheless I'm particularly happy that I've a) done a plein air study and b) something with metal beams - this is not something I typically attempt since the negative space is too complex to get it right. What else do I like about this piece? The colors! I'm particularly happy that after understanding a bit the magic of burnt umbre and sienna, I can now create muddy colors like the ones you can find in the world around us! Add to that that I've been for the first time to color-match watercolors to reality, I'm very satisfied. Looking forward to another opportunity to spent more time on a plein air. Earlier I got my hands on a 2€ sketchbook from Lidl only to discover that It's so much better to m

I've already reached #144. What does that mean? It eludes me. Anyway, today I decided to take for a spin my new 150gr cotton khadi sketchbook to see what all the fuss is about. It felt nice. Not sure if it was a fluke, I'm not sure why it felt nice but it was a positive experience. I wonder how it will handle less abstract stuff. Anyway. What do I like about the current work? The palette for one. I can't think of anything else. To be honest it looks much better in person than digitally but anyways. Ok I have to say a bit more;  I like the brown gradient at the bottom left, the shapes of the buildings, the superimpositions of the purples and pinks. That's all for now.

Today I got my imac back. I started sketching all too late, it wasn't fun since it was crunching away from my past-midnight movie watching. Anyway I started with a bored minimalistic sketch, trying to cast shadows of objects onto other objects. Then I did a much more interesting scene - A hamlet, birds, a peasant carrying some dead bodies in a cart and a flying viking ship. There is something that I particularly like about this piece. Anyway, enough for today.

Second day trying to "paint what I see in my mind's eye" and I'm very satisfied! As soon as I wrote down second day a thought arose in me “oh oh, I hope I don’t make another open-ended commitment out of it”. This gets me thinking now about my relationship to commitment; from certain angles it seems as if I’m overcommitting, whereas it’s also undeniable that I’m so afraid of commitment to the point of avoiding so much that life has to offer (from relationships, jobs, owning property). Anyway, before I get to psychoanalytical, today has been a good day. I spent most of it reading Lucifer (the comic) in bed and when I got up I was so hyped and inspired to draw. I did 5 pieces with ink; the first one was done using my good old trusty pentel pocketbrush and the next two (2nd and 3rd) were done with the new pentel brushpen that I got. I find it too dry for my taste, but that allows for texturing. The next two were done using kool-i-noor’s drawing ink; one with the ink undil

Well, that was unexpected. I started with some random watercolor piece that was once again making use of the muted palette that comes out of colors mixed with burnt umber and could had let it at that, but then I still had some time, and decided to start a new piece. Eventually I crunched through my rest time, but I’m very very happy about the result. Both paintings actually. On the first one (the random one) I love the colors and the interplay of all these hues superimposed on the brown undercolor. I also managed to  add some pure black (payne’s gray) without overwhelming the composition, something I hadn’t been able until now. While I don’t know what I’m seeing, it looks like a vertical slice of earth, and one underground town, and one on the surface. The second painting is much more intriguing. I started with a fineliner with no idea of what I’d be making but before laying on the paper my first stroke I new I wanted to make some thick animal/beast head. I tried visualizing the forms

Today I was too bored to do something elaborated (or better still, I wanted to watch some movie in the evening) so instead of picking up my watercolors, I merely picked up my new pentel brushpen (FL2L) and tried it out a bit.   It’s very different to the pocket brushpen, and it comes out comparatively dry (then again I still haven’t figured out how to apply more pressure for more ink flow while painting). Anyway, I filled six pages (my new sketchbook better arrive soon, since I have only 6 more pages). I like the dry brush texture though I’m afraid of the strain it gives to the brush’s hairs. At the end I added some watercolor to make the random doodles more appealing.

I got the chance to paint early today which is very fortunate since I got it off the table. I’m particularly happy about today’s artwork. I liked the process (the randomness out of which it emerged), the palette (that was built around burnt umbre and burnt sienna) and even the values of the painting. One of the good ones!

So today has been more productive. The day started early. I started learning a bit about burnt umbre, burnt sienna and raw umbre and then decided to play with these two colors and their variants. I enjoyed it a lot; While I haven't been able to find some actual difference in hue between the two and how the mix, burnt sienna is far more saturated/vibrant/full-of-chroma and light than burnt umber; they mix the same way however. I've produced some very nice earthen-blues and greens! Since I finished early, I decided to do something with burnt sienna and created the interesting composition with the llamas and the Sword & Sworcery pixelated style. I like the palette a lot and the texture of the animal's hide. Later on I did some quick studies of my grandfather on the iPad; using the ipad felt completely boring. Lot’s of interesting stuff. Mostly I'm satisfied with my color-mixing efforts. Time for bed.

On one hand, I'm glad I spent some time playing with color-mixing; while nothing particularly enlightening came out of it, I got a better undersanding of raw and burnt umbre. I also like the funny easter egg in the sheet. But I'm choking on shame, and that is why I need to expose it. You see, this is another day that early on I had the opportunity to do something “art related” and thus get it of my checklist. I was hoping that in the late night I’d still do an extra something but instead I got “lazy” and called it a day, and instead decided to watch a movie before going to bed tonight. Nothing extraordinary, just some good ol’rest. But this is how the shame works - I do something everyday, day in day out, no rest, no weekends no days off, and if one day I decide to keep it to a minimum (30mins like today) in order to get some entertainment, I spit on my face. If I had been working until bed-time, and didn’t have the time for extensive painting/drawing the feeling wouldn’t be sh

I was very lazy to do anything today so doodling was a pleasant effort. I like my brush pen, I've said that many times; I did some heads not to completely forget them and I wrapped up with two sheets of (semi)automatic drawings. I like the patterns, the thin lines, and the contour lines (that I didn't know where a think until recently, but loved doing as a kid). Overall I'm glad I did four pages of stuff, and glad I tried being free and unconcerned about the result.

It came to me as a shock seeing some work of mine from 20 years ago while I was 10-12 years old. Work that if I had seen some adult do, I'd be outright jealous, things I'm struggling to do now, but can't. What happened to me? How is this possible? I feel shock (that I've stooped so low) and hope (that perhaps if I unblock myself I might regain that level). I got home late, and did a beast out of strokes; I like the strokes, they remind me arab script, or ideograms. The beast reminds me a lot one I did on the 19th of June but then again it's the laziest and coarsest beast design that can come out of my brush. I liked mixing the colors and keeping the palette somewhat tight around values of purple, red and yellow and only a hint of green and blue. While I don't like particularly the end results, I like the constraint. As for the art from 20 years ago, I like that one so much more that I can't even compare it.

Today, I feel good for stepping back into something more structured. I had yesterday filled a page with blue and today I went on sketching things out. I did some perspective play, trying to get the buildings with their own vanishing points; and vehicles in their own altitudes; a sort of  one-point perspective that turns into two-point-perspective. In that respect, I’m very satisfied, I was eyeballing it and except two buildings, the rest feel fine. Then I started shading them, and doing cast shadows which I’m very excited about; I’ve finally cracked into my mind the whole deal with cast shadows; I like how problem free it came despite zero-planning and  the final result doesn’t look to bad either; composition-wise, it’s also decent. Highlight (in terms of training) has been the bolt-shaped turbines at the vertical spaceship on the left, that I created with frugal brush-strokes for shadows and I think I succeeded finally.

  I started today on the good sketchbook, and painted a sheet blue in an attempt to escape the “whiteness” of it; but it was too wet so waiting for it to dry I picked up the other one, took my payne’s gray and started doing some random scene. I like a lot the result and the process too; there is a degree of abstraction and design into it. I like the shapes, the patterns, I like the trees, the rocks, and the vertical X-shaped composition. One of the good ones! The blue-primed page will wait for tomorrow probably! Time for rest (TV).

  Here we are. Another random thing that turned into buildings. First the things that I don’t like (so that I get them out of my lungs) - I don’t like the whiteness and the chaotic values in the work (when again I wonder whether this is some real defect, or just me enjoying clear values). I don’t like the palette that is too primary (I have the Red-Blue-Yellow guilt). And I don’t like unclear figure in the bottom left part of the image. Is there a way for me to release all that negativity?  The palette, I had hoped it would turn out a pretty one; I don’t know what it turned RYB, it makes me sad, because I put a lot of effort into mixing distinct shades.  For the lack of values, perhaps I have to accept that it might had been a far too complex subject for me to execute without direction/vision or  references, let alone both at the same time. Or, alternatively perhaps I could accept that this “chaotic” values, might not be all bad, and maybe there is beauty into that. I like visual compl

  Here we are! I finally got my computer for repair and emptied the desk. I set my iPad on a stand, plugged in a mouse and a keyboard and called it my new desktop-substitute! Compare this to the huge imac I had, now the desk is so empty that I can even draw large scale! An unexpected joy! It’s been a joyous day for sure, I could definitely tell the difference between the hectic past days (or was it weeks) and how today everything felt so much nicer! When it comes to my drawing/painting practice, I took out my watercolors kit, my red sable brush and did a nice composition of light and shadow. While it started randomly (the skewed gateway at the center probably looks a bit out of place) I decided to to put some effort in insinuating shapes with negative shapes: In other words I tried imagining the shape of the lit wall planes (whites) as they are being interrupted by overlapping shaded areas. While some parts are wrong (after all with watercolors you can’t add more white once you lose it

And this is another step in the recovery process. I still haven't got my workbench (aka computer desk) free but I decided to add some color nonetheless. I first did numerous imaginary postures trying to focus on the sihouette and not a skeleton: I was trying to use my mind's eye to envision them before putting them onto paper. That is quite some advancement.  also played a bit with foreshortening and perspective in the human body. Later on I continued the |mind's eye and clean-silhuouette" efforts on a second sheet where I did a few faces, hands and vehicles.  At the very end I added some color to both sheet; just for the sake of reintegrating it in my life! I like that I was trying to track how the shadow are cast on the forms. Overall, I'm happy about four things: a) that a slight measure of motivation is reentering my life, that I added some color, and that I'm playing with my stereoscopic mind's eye!

Without a computer I still need to be frugal with my efforts. I further simplified the process and merely took photos of the sketches using the iPad. I cropped them and uploaded them straight. I did better than yesterday, I've had enought patience and time to fill four pages of doodles; still no working space available (my desk is full with my computer entrails) so I kept it minimal with my brushpen. I liked the shaded human figures sitting by the small fountain, and the third figure in the hallway. I liked the contour-lines on the femme and the beast and I particularly liked the limbs of the beast. Finally, for the last sheet with the 3 figures at the middle of the page, I liked that I gave them space. Enough for today

i had decided not to draw anything. This was going to be the day that I break the 127 days streak. I spent all day trying to save my data from my fucked up computer... then I realized I can’t go to bed for another 20 minutes. I decided to pick up my brush pen and do something. It was an unexpected victory. Bed time

The dreaded day of years has finally come: My computer has crashed; the primary hard-drive failed and I'm suddenly with no computer. I've been more calm than expected. I did my sketching, and finished up cleaning up the photos on my 300$ iPad. It's been a challenge.  It took me more than an hour to send and crop the images. I hope I will streamline it in the following weeks but will never get it down to the few seconds that it would take me on my imac. Anyway. What do I like about today's work? Well it's been bold and colorful! The first piece, started as a lame test of greens but by the end of it I had an intriguing alien landscape and a beautiful palette. I like the spikey shapes, the white,  and the wet-on-wet approach.  The second piece is an even bolder one. I like te colors, the line, the existence of the black and the existence of depth. I don't know what it depicts, but whatever. Overall today I'm happy that I didn't freak out too much with the c

So what do we have here? I first did a random doodling with dashes that resembled a bush so I decided to do some floral composition. I like the patterns that emerge that are quite complex and organic. The second doodle was some landscape that I was trying to indicate with two tones. There are many things that I like, especially the horizon details; it's as if there is some reality back there. It's more of an experiment to see how different "marks on the paper" evoke certain memories of things!  I like that I'm playing with colored monotone watercolors; they allow my imagination to run wild. I like a lot exploring forms that emerge from negative space. Anyway,  enough for now!