Very interesting this day. It's Christmas but this is not what I'm talking about. I decided not to paint in the balcony in order to go for a walk instead (remember, this is the age of covid19 and walking outdoors is a luxury)and committed to doing something after sunset, indoors. I picked up my gouaches and a sheet of Khadi cotton paper and started a new piece. After 2 or 3 hours I was tired and felt the piece was somewhat ready. I decided to call it a day.
I like the composition and the palette, I like it overall; even the process did I enjoy (I felt like making a satellite view of a city) but can't say I feel proud of the piece. Of course this has to do with expectations. Judgements floating around in my head: "this is nothing, this is no art" - "this at best is a graphics design school brush and color contrast exercise" - "this doesn't even have depth/planes" - "this is all too pink, there is no real color contrast" - "haven't you overused this impressionistic approach?" - "what's the big deal? anybody can take a paintbrush, mix a bit of magenta and gradually vary it (which by the way is not even the way most of the piece was done)" - "even your signature is misplaced" - "you don't have the guts to use it as the underpainting for a new one, a bolder one; perhaps one with fineliners, or thick black ink, too afraid to ruin it? what's there to ruin?". Such were the thought plaguing me while painting.
Now that I digitally removed the fixing tape it looks so much better. This is always a delight; it's like unwrapping presents. They suddenly pop and look pretty and new. Even though I still haven't solved the issue with the paper being damaged by the tape(s).
Anyway. What is important, is that when I opened the folder where I keep these loose watercolor paintings to find a clean sheet, I briefly glanced at the previous pieces and I was impressed; such color, such fine little pieces. Even the previous one, the muddy flowers that I'm the closest to calling a piece a failure, looked pretty and in-place. Once again, I got the relief that seen this body of work all together and in bulk, has some beauty. Perhaps the beauty of quantity (the way we watch on social media and see a stream of beauty never pausing to scrutinize the beauty in a single piece). Perhaps even this is the reason I found the pieces beautiful - In the era of social media overinfatuation, one single piece, no matter which piece, can not be beautiful in itself, only a wall of piece can be beautiful.
In any case, this had been the redeeming realization of the day, this is keeping me from calling it a shameful day. I trust, that this piece, when look back upon, will be better than having naught in its place; that it will be a nice addition to my folder. That is good enough for me today.
Other minor "joys" of the day, were the pink centered palette that was complemented by blue accents and yet still felt pink. I find it very intriguing! I enjoyed (not the first time) playing with micro value and color contrast by juxtaposing my brush-strokes. Plus I'm getting more proficient at sticking the tape. I no longer merely eyeball the margin thickness, but also the angles created by the tape strips. Sounds silly, but such learnings, I find very enjoyable!
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