day #365 - the end of an era

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I thought I was on top of it; I had finished early and was looking for a movie to watch already 3 hours ago. And I don't know how time went by. A phonecall, some networking studying, some online shopping and here we are, already past the time for an early movie. Regardless, today is a special day. The blog is over! I finished 365 days of daily painting and recording it, whatever that means. A big part of the process I will have to keep doing mainly for myself. Perhaps taking daily photos of my work and saving it on some folder. This has provem useful many times when I trying to date a piece I've been working on. Also making a small diary of today's achievements. It's still useful. But this will be done for my eyes only. I also don't know if I will be continuing my obsessively daily painting. How would life be if I had days off? Now for example that I'm moving out and I have to daily chores that until now were completely taken care of, perhaps I'll allow my
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day #19 - Insomniac Self-Portrait

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I had one of those insomnia. My personal demon never gives me trouble when falling asleep. But he well wake up after 30 to 120 minutes and then won't let me sleep again for the next 5-10hours. It conveniently so just happens that I feel drained and ready to fall asleep right about the time that I have to get up.

Anyway, today I got up after 2h of sleep. Tried to sleep, no luck. Did some journalling than normally helps, but no luck either. After 3h I gave up completely and got off bed to get a head-start in my day. Then I remembered that I've been meaning for many months now to do a self-portrait in front of my new full-bodied mirror that is in my bed-room. However I only go there to sleep so I never had the opportunity until today. I had my iPad nearby, my chores wouldn't have to start for another 3 hours and I still hadn't announced my presence to the world. I moved the chair opposite of the mirror, picked up the ipad and started drawing.

I'm usually not very loose. But I haven't done a live self-portrait in a decade and I was tired and frustrated so I was more than happy to work loose and sloppy! I enjoyed so much the distorted proportions that I was surprised for a piece of mine to have personality! I love the feeling that I get when I see it. I feel all the vexing and frustration that I felt in the morning; it feels alive. I love the posture, the colors, the looseness.

I don't like the flatness of the colors at all. I could had built more light in it if I wasn't so much in a hurried mood therefor it had to stay that way. Something close to a sketch. It took me 26mins all in all.
When I see it in thumbnail, or I squeeze my eyes, it has a certain realism that gets completely destroyed from up-close.

The reason I bought the mirror, and also did the self-portrait was to start seeing myself again and start accepting my face and physique. It's sad that almost 40 years on this planet, I still haven't learned to accept myself. I'm also thinking that if I study my body I might learn to love it. Perhaps a project would be 100 self-portraits. Who knows. I hope I don't pick it up before I decide the fate of this blog.

In any case thanks to that morning painting, I can now go to bed early!

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