day #365 - the end of an era

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I thought I was on top of it; I had finished early and was looking for a movie to watch already 3 hours ago. And I don't know how time went by. A phonecall, some networking studying, some online shopping and here we are, already past the time for an early movie. Regardless, today is a special day. The blog is over! I finished 365 days of daily painting and recording it, whatever that means. A big part of the process I will have to keep doing mainly for myself. Perhaps taking daily photos of my work and saving it on some folder. This has provem useful many times when I trying to date a piece I've been working on. Also making a small diary of today's achievements. It's still useful. But this will be done for my eyes only. I also don't know if I will be continuing my obsessively daily painting. How would life be if I had days off? Now for example that I'm moving out and I have to daily chores that until now were completely taken care of, perhaps I'll allow my
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day #241 - In the dark

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Not many days can go by without some mini-crisis. Right now I feel completely demotivated to paint/draw. It's both feeling uninspired (what should I do? Nothing looks interesting) and futility (why bother? this isn't going anywhere). The aspirations of making a living out of it don't help make it any better, if only they add to the general feeing of despair.
I tried to take it easy today (though I'm starting to fear that "merely easy" is not enough, and that I might need something more radical) and do a little bit of iPad art and call it a day. I was planning on doing something with color but I run out of gas in the sketching phase. it's that bad. I wonder if it's the feeling of despair that makes it so uninviting. It's not the first time I've witnessed how despair was taking the air out of my lungs, but this time it feels somewhat different... As if it's both "pointless" and "not fun" at the same time. There is fear that maybe I don't want to be painting (and if then, what)? What would be fun?
At the same time, while sketching this scene, I could feel the anticipation of making something narrative-driven and complete with color, and how midways I resigned to the "fact" (ie belief) that I can't do something complete(!) - that was another blow.
In any case (I'll have to investigate the above issue), I'll have to give myself some points for attempting to clean up the sketch and combining humen, trees, beasts and building. And above all for trying another day, and being mindful of my motivation and energy levels! In the past I'd be completely mechanical!
Not much, but some days even such things are considered successes!

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