day #365 - the end of an era

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I thought I was on top of it; I had finished early and was looking for a movie to watch already 3 hours ago. And I don't know how time went by. A phonecall, some networking studying, some online shopping and here we are, already past the time for an early movie. Regardless, today is a special day. The blog is over! I finished 365 days of daily painting and recording it, whatever that means. A big part of the process I will have to keep doing mainly for myself. Perhaps taking daily photos of my work and saving it on some folder. This has provem useful many times when I trying to date a piece I've been working on. Also making a small diary of today's achievements. It's still useful. But this will be done for my eyes only. I also don't know if I will be continuing my obsessively daily painting. How would life be if I had days off? Now for example that I'm moving out and I have to daily chores that until now were completely taken care of, perhaps I'll allow my
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day #266 - Self-massaging

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Tonight, I feel different, I feel soft. I didn't manage to paint much (20mins or so in the afternoon) and while I was planning to resume in the evening I decided to change my plan and do something else. For a change, I don't feel guilty for it, but self-compassionate. It's okay. I accept the day as it is; 20mins of painting, yes, it does hurt, I do feel the fear of doing so little, I do feel the nagging "you're not doing the best effort" - I empathize with these voices; they want me to feel secure and happy, they want me to be creative, to progress, to make it, to be proud of myself. All well meaning, but today I should also celebrate the other, the liberating voice that is asking of me to move beyond "dutifulness" towards my craft, and towards a more joyous, free and kind approach to it. So here we are.
20 minutes, is a step in the right direction, my 266th step without losing a beat. It's small, reminding me that not all steps have to be strides, and it's nurturing; it gave me space to do something else today. Now regarding the piece, in the little I did, I found joy in painting rocks in the background (that's all I did). Just like with the Complex's painting, I'm coming to realize that I might have reached the limit of my skills; I might be able to push it further and make it more exciting (since digital pigment doesn't get overloaded), but to what end and at what cost? So that I have one piece that is 5% above the rest, but cost me 95% more time?
I feel more inclined (and excited at the idea) of doing a series of atmospheric thumbnail studies of moody stuff; Haze, machines, creatures, volcanic rocks, light. Lots of light, I want to paint light! I'm excited.

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