day #365 - the end of an era

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I thought I was on top of it; I had finished early and was looking for a movie to watch already 3 hours ago. And I don't know how time went by. A phonecall, some networking studying, some online shopping and here we are, already past the time for an early movie. Regardless, today is a special day. The blog is over! I finished 365 days of daily painting and recording it, whatever that means. A big part of the process I will have to keep doing mainly for myself. Perhaps taking daily photos of my work and saving it on some folder. This has provem useful many times when I trying to date a piece I've been working on. Also making a small diary of today's achievements. It's still useful. But this will be done for my eyes only. I also don't know if I will be continuing my obsessively daily painting. How would life be if I had days off? Now for example that I'm moving out and I have to daily chores that until now were completely taken care of, perhaps I'll allow my
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day #243 - Oscillation

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It's annoying. I got up stressed today, before the alarm-clock went off and decided that the inner turmoil is too much to keep it. I attempted at getting it off doing pastels. I did not resume the last piece, but instead started a new (a luxury I can now afford thanks to having 3 hardboards). I started painting with the intent of expressing my feelings and this painting jumped out of me. I like it a lot. Like the last two pieces, it has a naivity but also a dynamicism (it took me less than 2h and I broke 3 pastel sticks in the process) that I enjoy. At the same time, it achieves the goal of "surprising" me. The mousey elephant - the monkey that is the trainer and trying to control and support the giant beast (which is a joke) - the water-tank inside the elephant... A buddhist scene, a circus scene... All subconscious symbolisms but the feelings? Real, like when desymbolizing my dreams. In any case, I enjoyed it a lot. and this gave me the breathing space not to think about painting for the rest of the day.
Now that time for bed is closing on, I can feel the dread building up. What will happen tomorrow? Will I make it? Or will the expectations swallow me up? Will the piece be successful (like today and yesterday) or not? Will I have to motivation to paint, or will it be a burden? Once, again I oscillating between the opposites of artistic despair and self-indulgence... For today, I'm done.

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